Right now is 6.31pm, at Marina Bay Sand Hotel, Singapore, I got a bad news. I was not selected as one of the board of directors of the club that I have been applied for whereas my good friend got the highest position in the club. I cannot and would not describe the feeling of getting a bad news during my wonderful holiday. It is not about how I hate her for getting that position while I am not. This post is about my reflection and trying to get up as I have fell down.
First, I would really like to thank God (if there is any). By the way, I seriously think that theres is a God now. He can hear my prayer, even though I am not seriously praying, I am just yelling to someone for help. Anyway, He did hear it and He helped me. My prayer was requesting God to give me a catastrophe, whatever it will be, that will change my perspectives on life which I have been using for 18 years as well as my personality and character. This is because I have suffered too much with the perspectives that I had been using, I did not know why money is important and everybody loves it so much; I did not know how to treat my parents good; I did not know the importance of socialising; I did not know the ruthless reality that might just kill me easily without my protection from parents; I did not know why my siblings love alcohol so much; I did not know everything and I did not know that the poor little flower in the green house was actually ME.
How stupid I was to realise it just now. I was too naive for the past 18 years, I took everything for granted. I felt that myself was not a bad person. I love nature and environment as well as protect them and I support justice and fight against poverty and all kinds of inequality. The question is what can I do and how can I do. I cannot answer it and that is the problem. I, do not have anything, wealth, fame, power, I have none of these. And I ridiculously claimed that I want to do anything for the society but the truth is I have nothing and I cannot do anything. And naively asked that why everybody is going after wealth , fame and power, and why these should be the only definition of success. Shame on me.
Let bygone be bygones, it is Chinese New Year now. “New year, new me”, it is a little bit old-fashioned but I mean it. It is not a slogan, it is a vow. I vowed to God with this amazing scenery at Marina Bay Sand Hotel that I will get 4A* for my AS and also A2 exam which I will be sitting this year, and I will get the offer from the university of my choice and also get a scholarship so that my parents will not have to pay all my fees and expenses for my journey to UK. Besides, I will get the money to travel here again and let God witness my promise and the success I bring. This is the promise of me to every creature on the earth.
If I fail I will not fail my promise, there is no turning back. I want it as bad as I want to breathe.